Most civilized people would rather not discuss such primitive things as “Feelings” in public. But guess what? You have them.
You have them all the fucking time.
Like, you never don’t.
When you are actually tuned into your experience you begin to notice it is always accompanied by feelings. (Yes, even you Mr. Macho.)
And feelings are fucking awesome! They are an essential part of our humanity.
And by “feelings” I mean emotions. Emotions like sadness, anger, fear, elation, wistfulness, jealousy, hope, wonder, despair, joy… Yeah, there are a lot of those fuckers. And most people I meet have a pretty piss-poor vocabulary of emotion.
While our thoughts may be the steering wheel of this meat machine, our emotions are the engine, the source of our power. Grow your feeling vocabulary and you will expand your range of emotions, and, ergo, your power.
Print out or download this pretty fucking awesome list of emotions and start growing that range!
And then there are all the bullshitty ways we pretend to talk about our feelings but actually don’t. Saying things like “I feel that you are being stubborn…” is a common, and fucking flagrant, misuse of the “F” word.
That is not a feeling, it is an opinion. And prefacing your opinion by calling it a feeling is some sly bullshit. Because it is much less vulnerable to express a thought or opinion than a feeling.
And because feelings are sovereign things. Nobody can disagree with your feelings. If you were to tell me that you feel sad I’m not going to be, like, “No you don’t.” (Unless I am seriously caught up in my Projection BUllsh!t.)
Any time you follow the words “I feel…” with non-emotions you are spoonfeeding some bullshit. So start noticing when you say things like, “I feel like…” or “I feel that…” or “I feel you are…” Start being a little more honest here. Start tapping into and talking about your actual feelings.
I know. It is fucking vulnerable.
It is impossible to have true intimacy or real bonding without vulnerability.