The awesome thing about being a victim is that you are absolved of any responsibility for your experience.
Isn't it so fucking comforting to know that the shitty things that happen in your life are not your fault?
And make no mistake: Every moment your spend believing that some other person, some circumstance, or some rule or law is responsible for your feelings, stories, or actions--you are in your VICTIM Bulls!t.
It is way easier to stew in righteous anger and resentment than to actually own your shit. It is way easier to blame others for your outcomes and experience.
Unfortunately, that bullshit comes at an extremely high cost to your personal power. And every second you spend focusing on the actions of others and circumstances that are out of your control is one more second you spend abandoning yourself, one more second NOT focusing on how to muster your resources to meet YOUR needs.
Owning your power looks like actually feeling the more vulnerable emotions of shame and grief, actually admitting your mistakes and the choices you made (and ARE making) that got you where you are, and committing to taking action to make it right. Owning your shit means choosing the locus of your focus and the meaning you are making.
Feelings do not come from “out there” somewhere.
They are your involuntary RESPONSE to your STORIES about what is happening out there. So every time you say shit like, “That made me feel angry,” or “She is so frustrating,” you are subtly perpetuating a paradigm of emotional victimhood.
Does shit occasionally happen that is totally out of our control that dramatically affects our lives?
And as soon as it does you immediately start choosing, consciously or unconsciously, how you respond.
I vote for conscious, empowered choices.
See if you can have just one fucking serious conversation without outsourcing your emotions. Just one.